olive the seal

-- Dad. I’m bored.

-- Only boring people are bored, honey. Just look outside the window. You’re bound to see a traffic altercation.

-- But daddy…

-- Come on. I saw a great one yesterday. A man in a Volvo was screaming at a woman in a Jeep Cherokee. He was listening to Layla really loud. Blasting it. The original Derek and The Dominoes version. The woman was going berserk. Raging. Her arms thrashing around. He was really giving it to her though. Quite a fracas.

-- I don’t like that word.

-- Fracas? Nothing wrong with it, honey bear. Like the Italian Fracassare: to make an uproar. Give it a chance. It might grow on you.

-- People in cars act stupid sometimes.

-- All people act stupid sometimes. It’s part of being a person. But some people will act smart on occasion.

-- Like the president?

-- No. The president is smart. He doesn’t have to act.

-- But then why do you always call him a dunder head?

-- Well, you see, smart people still do dumb things. Everybody makes mistakes. And I don’t care for the way he’s always stuttering and umming.

-- Umming?

-- You see, um, well, um, it’s, um…

-- Dad. Stop it.

-- It’s just a personality flaw, perhaps.

-- He’s the president, dad. People voted him to be the leader.

-- Doesn’t mean he’s up to the task. Maybe he thinks he’s got what it takes, and that’s something, but still, maybe he’s wrong.

-- Daddy. That makes us all wrong, right?

-- Wrong. Not true, honey bear. This man wants power. He wants to lead people to their destiny, or what he thinks is their destiny, whether they agree or not. Things don’t work like that though. Look out the windows. See what’s happening. There’s always something.

-- Daddy. When I grow up, you know what I want to be?

-- What’s that sweet?

-- An old man.

-- An old man. Huh. Is that right? Well, what would you do?

-- I’d walk slow.

-- Walk slow. Ha. I think that’d be great, sweets. Fantastic.

-- Yeah. And people would treat me nice and sit and talk with me. I’d sit on the porch in a rocking chair, and I’d wear nice old suits, and I’d eat banana pudding.

-- Of course. That sounds grand. What a splendid way to live. But, what would I be if you were an old man?

-- You’d still be my dad.

-- I would?

-- Yeah. But you wouldn’t be an old man. I’d be an old man. You’d just be you.

-- Just me, is that right?

-- Uh huh. And….and…daddy?

-- Yes honeybear.

-- What makes somebody a grownup?

-- Well my dear, I think that being able to answer the question, “So, what do you do for a living?” is what makes somebody a grownup.

-- Daddy, what do you do for a living?

-- I’ve really got no idea.

-- So you’re not a grownup?

-- Guess not.

-- That’s okay, daddy. I still like you, even if you’re not a grownup.

-- Thanks sweets. That’s very generous of you.

-- Uh huh. And you know what, daddy?

-- What’s that?

-- I’m a grownup.

-- Are you?

-- Uh huh. Because I do something for a living.

-- And what might that be, honeycakes?

-- I play.

-- That you certainly do. And you do it very well, I might add.

-- Uh huh. It’s my specialty.

-- Very true. Now look out the windows sweety miss. Let’s see what you can see.

-- I see a man walking a donkey. It’s painted like a zebra. It’s got stripes. Oh, and he’s got on a top hat and those shoes like clowns wear.

-- Big shoes?

-- Yeah. And he’s got a pipe, and he’s walking the donkey, and he’s pulling it along with a leash.

-- Wow. That’s super. I like that.

-- Yeah. And he’s feeding the donkey little bits of donkey food.

-- What’s donkey food?

-- It’s like little pieces of peanuts and grass and stuff, like crushed up clamshells and baking soda and mints and cookies.

-- Hm. Sounds delicious.

-- Yeah. Donkeys love that stuff. Can we get a donkey, daddy?

-- Not sure about that, sugarspice.

-- Oh please, please, please. Come on, daddy? I’d take care of it and feed it and take it out on walks.

-- Would you clean up its donkey pooh?

-- Yeah. Yeah. I swear, daddy. I swear and cross my heart. Please, please, please, daddy, please. Can we, can we, can we?

-- I’ll give it a pondering.

-- Please, please, please….

-- Little miss. Look out the window. Come on. Tell me what you see now.

-- Um, um, um….Oh. I see dolphins.

-- Dolphins?

-- Yeah. They’re swimming in somebody’s pool. Oh. I wish I could ride a dolphin. I’d ride it like a horse and it’d take me all around the world in the ocean.

-- But how would you breathe?

-- I’d just wear a snorkel.

-- Oh. That makes sense. So, where is this pool with the dolphins in it?

-- Um. Well, you see, it’s kind of…over there…kind of.

-- Hmm. I don’t see any pool.

-- Oh. Well. I don’t know. I kind of made it up, daddy. I’m sorry.

-- That’s okay. I thought it was very swell. A pool of dolphins.

-- Me too. Can we get a pool and have dolphins swim in it?

-- Sure thing, miss. I’ll get right on that. But where would we get these dolphins from?

-- From the ocean, of course.

-- Oh, well, don’t you think that the dolphins would miss the ocean?

-- Um. I don’t know.

-- They might not like being stuck in a tiny pool all the time.

-- But maybe we could make it a really big pool.

-- How big?

-- Like the ocean size.

-- Wow. That’d be too big for our backyard, don’t you think?

-- I don’t know. Hmmm, maybe. Hey, I see a bug. It’s flying right by my window. Oh. Now its gone. It flew away. Daddy, I want to mumble.

-- Let’s hear it. Let it rip.

-- Mumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumble.

-- You’re quite the mumbler, dear.

-- Mumblemumblethankyoumumblemumble.

-- Mumblemumbleyou’rewelcomemumblemumble.

-- You’re silly, daddy.

-- I know. It’s just the way God made me. Nothing I can do about. Still bored?

-- Um. I….I…um…I don’t know. Kind of.

-- Just kind of? Well that’s an improvement.

-- Uh huh.