I am drunk and walking home from Specs
it is a Tuesday evening
a lot of people are still out walking around on Grant Street
this guy starts talking to me
and he walks with me for a ways
he says, “I’m a comedian from Jamiaca.”
I say, “I’m not giving you any money.”
he laughs
he does a lot of laughing
he says, “Come on. I’ll tell you some jokes. I just got in to San Francisco today.”
I say, “You don’t sound Jamaican. And you’re not very funny for a comedian.”
I am pretty drunk
he laughs some more
he says, “This is my first time in this country. I swear. Let me tell you some jokes.”
I stop and lean against a lamppost
I light up a cigarette
I offer him one but he says he doesn’t smoke
I say, “Okay. If you can make me laugh before I finish this cigarette, then I’ll give you five dollars.”
he laughs
he likes this idea
he has very white teeth and a winsome smile
he starts telling me some jokes
the jokes are not funny
an old Chinese lady stops and scowls at him
she asks me if he is bothering me
I tell her to mind her own goddamn business
I am pretty drunk
I am not really listening to the Jamaican comedian anymore
I am just enjoying my cigarette and feeling good and drunk
I say, “Hey. I know some comedians. You ever go down to the Punchline?”
he says, “The what?”
I say, “I thought so. Your time’s almost up, and I’m still not laughing.”
he laughs
he starts in on another joke
I cringe
it’s a pretty bad joke
something about a Hertz Doughnut
but I laugh anyway
and give the guy a five
and go on walking down Grant Street
until I get to a bar
where I go on inside and order a double whisky
and decide to try
to never laugh again
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