in want of a moment’s peace
I walked outside of the bar
and sat down to smoke a cigarette in the sun
the birds were making all their racket up in the trees
an old lady walking by glanced over at me
and made the sign of the cross
I held my head
I smoked my cigarette
I laughed a little
the steep hills were breaking away in the distance
rolling and covered with houses and telephone poles and hospitals and cement
just like everything else
I got up and walked down the street a ways
I kicked at some thick weeds growing out of a crack in the sidewalk
they just bounced back up
I stopped at the corner
I held my breath
a few cars went by
I exhaled
I held out my arms like a scarecrow
or Jesus on the cross
a dog was taking a dump in a treewell a few feet from me
I looked up as high as I could
and
with a cigarette dangling out of my mouth
I stood there like that
on the street corner
with a sort of smirk on my face
feeling good about things for the first time in a long time
it wasn’t so bad to be alive just then
standing there like that
fooling myself into thinking I didn’t have a care in the world
and
for once
believing it
the dog finished its business
and its owner pulled the leash and led the mangy beast away
I crossed my legs at the ankles
I didn’t make a sound
the wind blew
and the wind stunk like dog shit
the smoke from my cigarette was burning my eyes
I stood there like that for as long as I could
while people’s phones rang and mailmen walked and clouds scudded
and governments bought car companies and newborns cried
I thought
hell this ain’t so bad
I’ll just stand here like this forever
there’s nothing else to do
then my cigarette went out
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